That's your Horoscope for Today
by BlitzRoxas
Summary: Mass hilarity caused by Duo's twin sister and her friend. Mild yaoi warning


Disclaimer: Gundam Wing does not belong to me. It belongs to the Cartoon Network and a load of other people who I can't remember right now. "That's your horoscope for today" is by Weird Al Yankovic and not to me, though I like to play with it from time to time.  
  
Key: Bold Sign names and the chorus sung by both. The rest is sung by Shini.  
  
That's Your Horoscope For Today  
  
By Shinigami_femme  
  
Two girls walk onstage, the one with long chestnut brown hair heading straight for the microphone while the other walks toward the electric guitar resting off to one side.  
  
"Hello, and welcome to the 268th annual talent competition for YanYan Boarding School. I'm Shinigami Maxwell, and to open, my friend Autumn and I are going to sing an old song from AD 2002. Oh, and don't mind the constant reuse of the same people for the footage. The only two people's signs we're sure about are my brother-he's a Sagittarius, just like me! and his boyfriend- a Scorpio. Plus, we wanted to reuse them because they actually did it.  
  
Enjoy the show!"  
  
Music starts up and the girls smirk. A large screen lowers from above and comes to rest behind the girls and the backup band. As the screen lights up, Autumn and Shini lean toward their mikes.  
  
Aquarius  
  
There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus  
  
Duo looks around surreptitiously, then licks at the remains of his chocolate ice cream cone (which had stuck and frozen to the back of the double decker bus next to him) only to find that his tongue stuck to it. Things got really messy when the bus started moving. The camera shakes as the person filming giggles uncontrollably.  
  
Fill that void in your life by playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day  
  
Wufei is in his room, playing his new "Whack-the-Baka" game. All of the moles have Duo's face.  
  
Pisces  
  
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus  
  
Duo and Quatre advance slowly upon an oblivious Wufei. They grin conspiratorily and wink at each other, then rush forward as one. Wufei suddenly spins around, spies his onrushing coworkers and panics, running in the opposite direction with speed born of desperation.  
  
You are the tru Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say  
  
Heero at a company party, discoing- nuff said.  
  
Aries  
  
The look on your face will be priceless when you find that forty pound watermelon in your colon  
  
A picture of Wufei looking like he's got a stick shoved up his…  
  
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf,  
  
Trowa standing next to one of the smaller clowns at the circus  
  
then give a hickey to Meryl Streep  
  
Relena glomps onto Heero as he tries desperately to get away  
  
Taurus  
  
You will never find tru happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it?  
  
Relena screaming "Heeeeeeeerooooooooo!" Thankfully, the sound is off.  
  
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep  
  
Duo is sleeping on the couch. Suddenly he lurches up, blinks blearily about, then falls back into a Cheetos induced coma.  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
Random silliness ensues, mainly Shini and Autumn being chased by the boys. Sometimes Duo is the one being chased.  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
The many scenes of Relena bashing. Thank god she doesn't go to this school.  
  
Gemini  
  
Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence  
  
It's Trowa's birthday party. He blows out the candles and sit's down on a whoopee cushion that Duo had put there while he was standing.  
  
Your love life will run into trouble when your fiance hurls a javelin through your chest  
  
Duo is talking nonstop while Heero is trying to type. Suddenly, Heero has had enough, and aims a gun at him, only to change his mind and hurl a sharp, pointy metal curtain rod at him instead. Duo falls over from shock, narrowly avoiding being impaled.  
  
Cancer  
  
The position of Jupiter says you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud  
  
Relena, once again chasing Heero, is run over by the school track team. When she looks up, her face is covered in a lumpy brown substance we don't want to know more about.  
  
Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test  
  
Quatre is attempting to take his driver's exam, but Duo insisted on going along. He attempts to shove a roll of duct tape into Quatre's nasal orifice, while Autumn tries to restrain him, and Quatre freaks out, barely managing to stop the car.  
  
Leo  
  
Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no  
  
Duo is sitting bare-assed on a photocopy machine. He jumps down and pulls up his deathscythe print boxer shorts. As he is fastening his jeans, he looks up at the camera, then the camera falls and goes blank.  
  
Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik  
  
Heero is eating a gray-yellow pudding-like substance and drinking a hair-of- chibi-usa-pink liquid while the other pilots look on with varying degrees of disgust. Even Duo looks slightly ill.  
  
Virgo  
  
All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent  
  
Wufei smiles slightly at the camera, his eyes crinkling with happiness.  
  
- except for you  
  
Wufei is chasing Duo as he swings his katana with deadly intent at the braided boy  
  
Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled on a stick  
  
Shini-chan notches her longbow and takes careful aim. As the arrow comes flying from the bow, the camera follows it. The tip of the arrow turns into a sticky circle just as it attaches itself to Relena Dorilan- Peacecraft's forehead. A small ofuda with the word "loser" written on it flutters down from the end of the arrow, and embossed on the bottom are the images of the terrible twins pulling down their eyes and blowing raspberries.  
  
  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
More embarrassing Relena-bashing type videotape ensues.  
  
Now you may find it inconceivable or at the very least a bit unlikely that the relative position of the planets and the stars could have a special deep significance or meaning that exclusively applies to only you, but let me give you my assurance that these forcasts and predictions are all based on solid, scientific, documented evidence, so you would have to be some kind of moron not to reaize that every single one of the is absolutely true.  
  
Embarrassing pictures of the doctors flash across the screen. The audience recoils in horror at the picture of G and J naked in a hottub together.  
  
Where was I?  
  
Oh, yeah.  
  
Libra  
  
A big promotion is just around the corner for someone much more talented that you  
  
Wufei is reading a letter, telling him that the position he wanted has been filled, by Sally Po.  
  
Laughter is the very best medicine, remember that when your appendix bursts next week  
  
Duo laughing hysterically, until Heero walks by and calmly proceeds to give him an atomic wedgie.  
  
Scorpio  
  
Get ready for an unexpected trip when you fall screaming from an open window  
  
Heero and Duo are pushed from Shini and Autumn's dorm room window, three stories up. Shini just smiles and waves from above before ducking back inside and closing the window.  
  
Work a little harder on improving your low self-esteem, you stupid freak  
  
Quatre sits with a resigned look on his face as his twenty-nine older sisters dress him up in a pink frilly dress and give him a makeover.  
  
Sagittarius  
  
All your friends are laughing behind your back (kill them)  
  
Shini watches as a group of girls from another school laugh and talk, her eyes glowing with evil malevolence as she stares at a short girl with blond hair and overly sharp canines. Her mouth forms one word. ~Jesse~  
  
Take down all those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine you've got hanging in your den  
  
Duo walks into his dorm room, then stops in shock (and disgust). The walls on his side of the room are completely covered in naked pictures of Dr. G. Shini passes the camera to Autumn and then holds her sides, trying to keep from laughing out loud as Duo recovers and rushes over to the wall and starts tearing down the photos.  
  
Capricorn  
  
The stars say that you're an exciting and wonderful person, but you know they're lying  
  
Heero is typing on his laptop, when the door suddenly opens and Trowa finds himself face to face with Heeros glock four nine.  
  
If I were you, I'd lock my doors and windows and never never never never never leave my house again  
  
An outside shot of Quatre's mansion converting to armored mode.  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
Duo and Wufei trying to kill each other.  
  
That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
That's your horoscope for today (yay yay yay yay yay)  
  
That's your horoscope for today  
  
Surveillance footage from the war, mainly involving Wufei's fights with Treize, and Zechs and Noin playing footsie. Not to mention Relena relentlessly stalking Heero.  
  
"Well, I hope you enjoyed this as much as we enjoyed singing and filming it. Now, we have to go before my brother and his friends decide to kill us. Bye-bye!"  
  
Shinigami drops the mike and breaks for the door, shouting to Autumn, "Run! And don't forget to grab the tape!"  
  
  
  
AN: That was fun. This is the planning stage for a Doujinshi I am planning on drawing, as well as a side story to a fic I haven't written yet. I hope you enjoy it. Ja! 


End file.
